Are we parenting mindfully, or with our minds full? Mindful (or Conscious) Parenting – We hear the word MINDFUL regularly and put into every possible conversation people have, but it is actually a relevant term and something we need to be aware of when it comes to our little humans.
“To me, Mindful Parenting is about being present in the moment. Committing yourself to the time you have set aside to be with your children. Not allowing distractions to take you away from that time. It is not every time you are with your kids nor even all the time, it is special, dedicated time that you have consciously chosen to spend with your children, for your children. Creating a safe space where they know they can always come to you – a space of mutual trust, respect, love and care.”
You cannot say to me: “Yip, I spend so much time with my children and give them so much of me.” But actually when you are with them “giving” them all of you, you have your attention on your phone and every now and again look up at them, or grunt when they ask you if you have seen them doing something. It is about being conscious and self-aware when interacting and engaging with your children. It’s about deeply connecting with the child in front of you and not the child you fantasise about having. What a child is displaying outwardly – throwing a tantrum because their sister has their toy, or being nasty to you because you didn’t let them watch their program – is often not the actual reason for the behaviour. They may not know how to express what the real issue is and you therefore need to help them with self-regulation and be their emotional coach. Look beneath the behaviour. Be there for them, being mindful of their emotions, words they are saying, behaviour they are exhibiting and let them get it out without trying to shut it down. If you want to parent mindfully/consciously, you need to take care of your own needs so that you can self-regulate your own emotions in a healthy manner and you’ll then have space (and patience) for your child’s big feelings.
If you can make the effort to raise your child consciously, you will be involved every step of the way and will be raising them with unconditional love, acceptance and respect. This isn’t to say you agree with everything they choose to do or be or even necessarily understand it, but you trust and respect them enough to know they have made the right choices and decisions for themselves.
Being raised by parents who are present and interested in what is going on in their child’s life, makes a child feel seen, heard, validated and understood which in turn establishes emotional resilience, equips them to better handle life’s stressors because they are more aware of their thoughts, feelings and emotions. You are building a strong bond between yourself and your child and creating a safe, secure environment for them to thrive, grow and learn. They will want to come to you for advice, to bounce ideas off, ask questions etc. because they won’t feel judged or prejudiced.
